


some very good friends

by kingofthelosers



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Humour, Idiots, In Trousers References, M/M, mainly focused on Whizzer/Mendel's friendship because we deserve that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 07:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20738555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingofthelosers/pseuds/kingofthelosers
Summary: whizzer and mendel have a chat. they pretend not to like each other (they do)





	some very good friends

Mendel realised his position in his family had become that of dishing out terrible advice over a glass of wine and a game of Mario Kart. 

His position in his family was certainly not having Whizzer Brown stretch his long legs across Mendel’s lap and bitch about his boyfriend.

“So like, I have to do the laundry- which is fine, he works more days than me and I get it, but then he expects me to cook as well! Do I look like a housewife?”

Mendel stared at him incredulously. “You look like you need some wine.”

The taller man nodded, swinging his legs off of Mendel’s lap and letting the man hurry into the kitchen to fetch a bottle of wine.

“Why are you even at my house, Whizzer?” Mendel asked jokingly.

Whizzer shrugged. “Came here to see if Trina wanted to go shopping, but I guess she's with the lesbians.”

The shorter man nodded as he entered the room, popping open the wine and pouring them each a glass. “Yeah, she left like an hour ago. Cordelia baked some brownies or something.”

Whizzer hummed. “Why aren't you at work?”

Mendel cocked an eyebrow. “Why aren't you?”

“I don't work everyday of the week, jackass.”

He chuckled, handing Whizzer the glass. “How long did it take you to like me?” 

“Jury’s still out on that.”

“I will come at you.”

Whizzer spluttered. “You're the least scary person I know. Jason could beat you in a fight.”

Mendel shifted in his seat. “Yeah, well… Jason plays baseball. That requires strength, you know.”

The other man rolled his eyes. “I know. I did baseball in school.”

“You did?” Mendel sat back, thinking. He wished he had a notebook and pen on him. “What else did you do in school?”

“I sorta just played baseball and whored around, really.” He started, seeming to not have thought about this in a long time. “I was pretty popular, I did theatre as well as baseball…”

Mendel nodded sagely. “Like Troy.”

Whizzer gave him a confused look.

“One of my patients has a teenage daughter!” He defended.

Whizzer shook his head. “Anyway, I realised I was gay and I never really looked back.” He turned to the curly haired man. “What about you?”

“Well, I, uh… I was a dork who liked girls and reading people. I was short and clumsy and bad at flirting and I had braces.”

“Not much has changed besides the braces, then.” Whizzer grinned, laughing at the thought of Mendel with braces. “I had a bowl cut in middle school. Don't tell Marvin that or he’ll never let it go.”

Mendel wheezed, slapping his thigh. “Oh my god, that's hilarious. I'm telling everyone.”

“You better not. If you do I’ll kill you.”

“Kill me with what?”

“My moves.”

“Your  _ moves?" _

“Yeah, my  _ moves.  _ Karate moves.”

Whizzer didn't realise he had put his legs back in Mendel’s lap.

~~~~~

“Hi doll, I'm home!” Whizzer called out, hanging up his coat, suitably tipsy. 

He entered the living room, being greeted by Marvin who slid his arms around the taller man’s waist, kissing him soundly.

“How was your time with Trina, princess?”

Whizzer blinked. “It, uh. It was alright.”

“Strange…” Marvin started, kissing down Whizzer’s neck. Whizzer exhaled, his eyes fluttering shut.

“What's strange, baby?”

Marvin pulled back, smirking. “I just got a call from Mendel.”

Whizzer’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck, what did the weasel tell you?”

“He told me something about a, um…” he stifled a laugh. “Bowlcut.” Marvin couldn't keep the laugh in anymore, throwing his head back. 

“I'm going to  _ kill  _ him!” Whizzer screeched, darting for the phone.

Jason picked up. “Weisenbachfeld residence.”

“Hi, Jase! Can you put Mendel on the phone for me, please?” Whizzer said in the nicest voice possible.

The muffled sound of the phone being handed over rang through Whizzer’s ears, and he soon heard, “Yah, hello?”

“Mendel, you asshole. You've ruined my sex life for like the next week! All Marvin's gonna be thinking about is what I looked like in high school!”

Mendel cackled. “Alright, alright, alright. I'm sorry. But hey- here's a way to get back at him.”

Whizzer narrowed his eyes. “Go on.”

“Ask him who Miss Goldberg is.”

The taller man furrowed his eyebrows, but thanked Mendel all the same. “I'm still gonna kick your ass.”

“Thanks, I'll be on guard for an unexpected karate attack.”

Whizzer rolled his eyes, saying goodbye and hanging up.

Marvin was sitting on the sofa, still giggling. Whizzer sauntered over to him, swaying his hips. The shorter man looked him up and down approvingly. 

“Marv, baby?”

“Mm?” He put his hands on Whizzer’s hips.

“Who's, uh… who's Miss Goldberg?”

Marvin’s face grew white. “God, I really fucking wish I didn't spend years telling Mendel all my problems.”

Whizzer reminded himself to thank the psychiatrist in question the next time he saw him.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! Xx


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